“What we have once enjoyed deeply we can never lose,
All that we love deeply becomes a part of us” Helen Keller
  • This is the anniversary of the loss of my son in taking his life, and a description of the magnitude of suffering, leading to the attempt to take my life as well. But by God’s grace I was saved, only He knows the reason why. I wrote a poem on this
    experience called – Grief
    Six years less four months making seven an event
    happened. It was never thought to happen. One of
    those things that happens to someone else but
    never to her. A call in the night forbidding, she is
    shaking, for him looking. A child missing, never
    returning, to go or stay she is wondering, it is
    perplexing. Watching him grow, playing and
    laughing, always hoping, praying his life would
    be happy and lasting. Mother and son no longer
    bonding. He is sleeping, waiting for the resurrection.
    One night deciding, plight succumbing, seeming to
    be best, it would be loving. It is just too much, such
    awful thoughts resisting. Nine months carrying, body
    feeding him, a womb providing a room for him to
    grow in. This is a testing, thoughts increasing. She is
    trying, nothing is helping. Cannot explain the feelings,
    nothing is helping, hoping this is passing, there is
    shaming, there is blaming. Back and forth driving,
    twisting and turning, dogs vomiting. Not to be late
    she is hurrying. Careful the right road taking, road
    construction frustrating. Grief succumbing, mind
    spinning, depression visiting. Decisions baffling, she
    is withdrawing, obituary disturbing, words troubling,
    This kind of death met with frowning, eulogy confusing.

    She is stopping, the man is helping, his kindness endearing,
    altars of thanksgiving. Turnings in the road directing,
    storms withdrawing, comfort finding, friends consoling,
    medications helping, sometimes lacking. Eyes slowly opening,
    ears hearing, tears no longer weeping. Birds singing, sun
    shining, flowers blooming, children sharing. Shadows lifting,
    she is talking, she is writing, on paper speaking, slowly
    resolving, process unfolding. She is hoping, to all things
    resigning. All things loving, doors are opening, acceptance
    is residing!

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