Trying To Pull The Curtain To My Side”
I have dealt with depression all of my life,
A component of OCD that seems to accompany
This illness. I have been resistant to antidepressants,
Experiencing many medications with adverse effects.
One particular one was so severe I could not get out
Of bed. Here is one experience I had when unable
To focus, grasping for one positive thing in all of
The room –
Is it a dream, it seems like
A dream? Waking with a start
I know it is not.
Opening my eyes, I am ashamed,
No one would I claim to share
This illness with, how it came
About, I could not explain.
Searching for an answer to a
Troubled mind, no peace do I
Find.
A place where no one would
Venture, no one could help, if
So they would be like friends
Of Job.
Reaching for my robe, with throbbing
Pain and rapid pulse, trying to stand,
A brittle soul about to break,
Falling back as slumber I once more
Take.
There is a stirring as I awake, I say a
Prayer, “my soul to take.”
Crispness of sheets brush against
My skin, a fever begins and my body
Seems to melt, sheets now wet with
The trickle of sweat.
Beginning to thirst and bereft of water,
I become hotter, beginning to falter.
The hopeful anecdote to my illness
Has provoked it instead. Another
Potion has created more mental
Commotion.
The walls seem empty as I stare in
Space, searching for anything to
Break the dreariness of this place.
On the left hangs a picture dismal
And grey, to the right a window,
Dressed in lavender and lace,
Hanging from a silver rod. Could
This be a gift from God?
I must see it better, slowly lifting
My head, moving my legs to the
Floor, reaching for the wall with
Trembling hands,
I pull the curtain to my side, as I cry,
“This piece of cloth I wish to hang
Above my bed.”
As I try, my arms are not high enough,
My hammer and nails strong enough,
My measure true enough.
I sit in the midst of failure and quit.
In my brokenness, something greater
Than I draws the curtain aside, and with
His rod accurate and right, drapes His
Banner of love over me in peace and
Light!
Song Of Solomon 2:4
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