…after purchasing the bottle of wine, I drove my short journey
To a remote area thinking no one would be around. Turning
The car off, there is a stillness, a perfect place to bring my
Life to an end. To end the grief and agony I had been enduring.
I unscrewed the cork and bottle of pills and took them all,
Then fell asleep.
I was partially awakened by a woman at the window,
Appearing from no where, then once again falling
The ride in the ambulance took me to a hospital.
Now I was not my own, for when a person attempts to hurt
Themselves or another, endangering their life, they are put
On a seventy two hour hold, placed in a facility, and then begins
An intense regimen of a continuous round of group therapy, private
Counseling and doctors prescribing psychotic drugs.
I had become separated from myself, not understanding that
I was running from the innermost part of me that was struggling to
Exist, desperately trying to hold on, but the opposition of two
Forces within was almost more than I could bare. I was oblivious
To the fact that I was not alone, God saw me in this wretched
State, and was not about to leave me there…
The door closes behind me, I
Am released from the hospital,
Back into the world of obstacles.
I feel the warm sun on my skin,
Breathing fresh air, hearing the sounds
Of cars as they speed by, the sound
Of an airplane,
The whistle of the train, people
Moving back and forth trying to
Will I succeed in facing the world
With nerves on edge from medication
I have reservations as I leave this
With my stay, the space of time
Emptied into remoteness, days lost
The world had gone on without me,
Not knowing or caring why I had
Suddenly left for awhile. I had
Been placed among people who
Were very ill, struggling to survive
I did not quite understand their
Tight hold on life.
With my stay the days emptied
Can I do this?
Can I make it in life?