It seemed I was constantly looking for answers
To my problems, religion, doctors, therapists,
Medications, twelve step programs, self help
Books, bargaining, pleading, begging, anything.
Until my search became a secondary
Obsession to the OCD I compulsively practiced.
I had tunnel vision, thinking the answer could
Lie in only one of these attempts. Not realizing
Each one was a part of the process of healing.
It was like fishing, never catching anything.
And then, after I had done all I could, I had
To wait for the deliverance only God could bring.
~~~
In the early dawn of the
morning hours
A ship scours an angry sea
Of thoughts
Trolling on the deep
A fisherman holds the
Line
While a thought is
Caught
A larger one than anyone
Sought rises to the top
The battle begins as the war
Is fought
Three more knots added to
The speed of the ship
But it is all for naught
Leaving the fisherman
Distraught
Above the commotion a
Voice is heard
“Push her down”
And an answer says
“How far down?”
“As far as the thoughts
Are buried”
“Hurry, cast a line and
Reel it in with all your
Fury”
“But it is too big and my
Mind too small
How can I let it go, I
Am sinking?”
With a body that is weak
With my feeble strength
Pulling and striking, falling
On my knees
Every muscle, bone and
Grandiose groan has hit
The bottom
Another voice is heard
“Leave them alone, for they
Will only harm you”
The fisherman no longer
Distraught
Releases his thoughts into
The depths of the sea
~~~
A word of hope –
“He will again have compassion on
Us… He will cast all our sins (and
I like to think, thoughts) into the depths
Of the sea”
Micah 7:19
