Love letters to Daddy

“A daughter’s words to her daddy from a little
girl’s heart”

With love from a long time ago

Letter #1

With Father’s Day just around the corner
I find myself
Having memories of a father of long ago.
At least once or twice I remember sending
a letter over
the years to the resting place where he
is buried.
And of course receiving no reply. But that
wasn’t unusual,
I usually had no reply when he was here
on earth.
Come to find out, I’m not the only one that
has done this.
It is common for others to do it as well.
I’m not sure what
the caretakers do with them or where
they direct these letters.
They may open and read them,
then dispose
them, or maybe they don’t bother at all.
I have vivid memories of negative events
far out weighing
positive ones, I don’t know why this is (there
had to be
some good ones), from a step mother
In a a blue negligee
floating from room to room in a drunken
stupor, leaving
me wondering where my
mother had gone. From my father weaving
in and out
of cars on the freeway, stopping for a drink
of whiskey
from a bottle hidden under his seat.
Taking me to the bus where
I would have to go back to a scenario
worse than
this one I was leaving.
Much later in life I wrote
a series of letters to my father,
working through
emotional issues long over due.
I have called them my

‘Love letters to Daddy’
They are
short letters, six in all, and I have
wondered whether I should post them
all together or separately, and have
decided
to share them one by one,
since the words did not all come to mind
at once, I had
to put them together slowly.
There was no hurrying the process of
working
through emotional issues that had been
buried deeply over many years,
I had to recreate the image
that I had imagined in my mind, to
One that is loving and kind!

“Oh Daddy, you were the one with the clickity-click-click of the tongue”

and the crazy songs you sung!

Love Letter #1

Daddy, you were bombed last night!
Walking into the kitchen the
Morning after, light reflects you
In the breakfast nook, as I quietly
Enter to see if you are alright.

You are hiding behind the newspaper
And unable to notice your daughter.
Alcohol vapors sting my nose, you don’t
See me, as if I don’t exist.

Oh Daddy, you were the one
With the clickity-click-click of the
Tongue and the crazy songs you sung.
Where did Mama go? I think she got
Tired and left.
I remember her pouring water from
Bottles down the drain, but it had
A funny smell, I couldn’t really tell.

Who is this strange lady in our
House, the one wearing a blue
Negligee, you both swing and sway
From room to room, then pass out
On the bed.

Sounds of heavy breathing are
Alarming, I am confused and don’t
Know what to do.
Viciousness in the kitchen the day
You staggered across the kitchen
Floor.

A pressure pot of beans exploding
On the ceiling sending you to the
Hospital reeling.
I begged you not to drink, but you
Once again began to sink, I’ m sorry
Daddy I made you drink.

Well, my visit with you is almost done
And my time is spent, I will soon be
Sent away.
Really Daddy, will you send me back
To those abusers and their evil ways?
Aww, please, why do you let them
Do this to me? I really don’t think I can
Take much more.

Oh don’t make me leave, don’t make
Me go back to that smelly shack.
Your pungent smell of vinegar, cukes
And alcohol are better than that.

But my pleas were ignored, you were
Just too sick to have me around.
That fifth of whiskey made you awful
Thirsty as you hid the bottles in
Cabinets and drawers.

Remember how you swerved on those
LA freeways taking me to the bus,
Without a sound between us?
The roar of the engines and exhaust
Fumes making me sick, carry me to
A place I would rather not go.

Finally climbing the steps, crying,
Unaware of the effects on an innocent
Child from no where.

Well Daddy, I remember these
Things whether you do or not, so I am
Writing these letters in hope to be
Freed of the pain that was caused!

Letter #1 of 6