Love letter to daddy

Letter #3

“I then had hope to be delivered”

My way was safe I thought

Well Daddy, here I am again. I’ve
Been thinking about what I said.

I know it sounds pretty sad and
I have tried to think of some words
To make you glad.

Wow, Daddy the nightmares
Were bad and fearful thoughts
Struck my mind. They just
Wouldn’t stop.

I felt shame most of the time.
Why does it matter? Why do I dread
The thoughts of
Others?

Maybe because mine had been
Shattered and only theirs mattered?

Then there was placed in my heart
A desire to do differently.

I had a glimpse of something better.
A candle is lit bursting into flame.
I then had hope to be delivered
From this shame.

Choosing an austere journey, one
Of piety and devotion,
I was sure this was the solution.
But I was confused between you
And God, I was mixed up and thought
He was like you, never here.
It was never clear.

I knew about love in my head, but
Couldn’t seem to feel it in my heart.

And after awhile the thoughts
Became even more frightening.

Daddy, even though I had sworn
Not to follow you, I found myself
Doing it, only in a different way.
My way was safe I thought!


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