Love letter to God…

This is the final letter of a series
of six ‘Letters to Daddy’
dedicated on this Father’s Day of
2021 to all those who struggle
with an earthly father image.

“And the churning waters were billowing on
the face of the deep, in the darkness of swelling
waves”

Daddy, I remember the day when you were close to
death, and I was called to say goodbye.
I was reluctant, as I entered your room, as you
struggled to breathe, until you fell asleep and
they took you to a peaceful place to rest.
You then faded from my memory, and I began
to draw a picture of how I remembered you, until
my inkwell had become almost dry, with the trace
of your image, my brush became heavy, the colors
became dark, until I was exhausted and I finally
gave up. You became nothing, as if you had never
existed, leaving an incomplete picture that must
be filled in my mind!

‘My Love Letter To God’

It is You who took the churning
waters
billowing on the face
of the deep
In the darkness of swelling
waves
swirling in the deep abyss
crying aloud with groaning
pains
waiting to give birth and be
delivered
Before You spoke Your word
“Let there be light and life”
my existence was in Your
thoughts
as You patterned my form when
there was none
A seed plunges into the
darkness of the womb
two beings creating a separate
being
as they embrace in a moment
of bliss
In an instant You wrote
my life in indelible ink
The beginning of a tiny infant
not fully formed
is immersed in the embryonic
fluids
Each part is fashioned by your
hand
my heart begins pulsating
life
Your plan for me is
skillfully wrought in the
lowest parts of the
earth
But who am I to question why
I am cast into
circumstances beyond my
control?
The chosen vessel carrying me
is frightened
as her only
awareness of love is of abuse
and neglect
Her thoughts are permeated
into my small mind
knitted together
as sinews and flesh are fashioned
about my tiny body
The cells of my being are engulfed
with her
memories of long ago
While the blood racing through
her body
feeds the embryo with
a frightening adrenalin rush
I have to wait in that darkness
just as the seed
must wait for Your nurturing acts
to bring forth life
I am called and reluctantly enter
this world
My first glimpse of life is not
pleasant to
my childish nature
I question as Job, “Why did I
not die at birth?”
“Why did I not perish before I
was born?”
A wall of separation comes
crashing down
planting its steel bars into
the chasm of the earth
culminating in an abrupt
interruption of time
You have said I must become
as a little child
must I go back to the very
beginning
of conception?
Must I have the mind of a babe
unmindful
of its surroundings
content to exist in each stage
of formation?
If I could only shut my eyes
and reflect on
the innocent
mind of a child bathed in
quintessential peace and
tranquility
To be freed of these scattered
thoughts
that take me captive
to another world of doubt and
uncertainty
quenching the Spirit and nullifying
the goodness of God
I am helpless to know the answer
to these questionings
it is as if I
were being drawn into a darkness
of which I am powerless
But perhaps this dark night of
the soul has a purpose and a
reason
that I need to embrace this
darkness
as the nocturnal labor
pains of life experiences bring
awareness
of a Father that has completed
the image
of the one left behind!