A little girl’s wish

‘Remembrance of a mother‘

I think some of us are tempted to question

the timely events in our lives, why certain things

come about, parents that were given that

weren’t the best.

As a child I had been brought up to just

accept things as they were, hoping they

would get better. But they never seemed

to be resolved.

My mother was a flighty person, moving

in and out of the chaos

and confusion she had woven in her life

and mine.

Then I remember clearly the time when

I was interrupted from a childhood of

acceptance to one of adolescence, when

I could no longer tolerate her behavior.

And anger and resentment began

to fill my heart. I spent much time

wondering why I had been given a mother

like this.

When I began recovery, I remember the

first night, when it was revealed why I had

turned away, and realized the trauma she had

received from abuse in her life. It had just

been carried through to mine also. There was

a reason for her neglect, and thus started

years of working through the issues I had

developed.

I wondered why these things were not revealed

much earlier, and I had been given a chance

of reconciliation before she died!

* * * *

Who is this mother we have laid to rest?

Poor helpless soul who wandered this

earth, not knowing or caring where she

was led.

She took her child along for the journey

who at times did not know where she

would lay her head.

With emotions held in and warned not

to cry, this child hoping she would be loved

if things got better.

Now death has taken this mother, and she

has gone to sleep. No longer tormented

with emotions so deep, sorrow

no longer her’s to keep, removed forever,

to rest In peace.

But remember child, she did not have the

tools to help you to survive. She could not

fulfill her role, you became the mother and

she the child.

Oh, where do I look for a nurturing

mother? Could it be, that God is as much

a mother as He is a Father to me?

And then a clearer picture I saw, as I

wrestled with the why’s and how’s

of the mysteries beset on the journey

of life. Perhaps if I had been given a

mother that I had wished for, I

would not have reached out for

something better!