my love letter to God…

A sequel to ‘Love Letters To Daddy’
After saying my final goodbye. . . .

. . . . He then faded from my memory, as I began
to draw a picture of how I remembered him, until
my inkwell had become almost dry with the trace
of his image. My brush became heavy, the colors
became dark, until I was exhausted and I finally
gave up. He became nothing, as if he had never
existed, leaving an incomplete picture of a new Father
that must be created in my mind!

“It was You who took the churning waters billowing on the face of the deep.
In the darkness of swelling waves, crying aloud with
groaning pains waiting to give birth and be delivered. Before You spoke your Word

“Let there be light and life”* my existence was in Your thoughts. You patterned
my form when there was none.
A seed plunged into an empty womb, two beings creating a separate being as they
embraced in a moment of bliss. In an instant You wrote my life in indelible ink.
The beginning of a tiny infant is immersed in the embryonic fluid, my heart begins
pulsating life. Your plan for me is skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth!
But who am I to question why I was cast into circumstances beyond my control?

The chosen vessel carrying me is frightened, as her only awareness of life is of
abuse and neglect. Her thoughts permeated into my small mind, knitted
together, as sinews and flesh are fashioned about my tiny body. Engulfed with
her memories of long ago. While the blood racing through her body feeds the embryo
with a frightening adrenalin rush. I have to wait in that darkness just as the seed must
wait for the nurturing acts of God to bring forth life. I am called and reluctantly enter this
world. My first glimpse of life is not pleasant to my childish nature. I question as Job –

“Why did I not perish before I was born?”* A wall of separation comes crashing down
planting its steel bars into the chasm of the earth, culminating in an abrupt interruption
of time. You have said I must become as a little child, must I go back to the very
beginning of conception? Must I have the mind of a babe unmindful of its surroundings,
content to exist in each stage of formation?

If I could only shut my eyes and reflect on
the innocent mind of a child bathed in quintessential peace and tranquility. To be freed of these scattered thoughts. Ones that take me captive to another world of doubt and uncertainty,
quenching the Spirit and nullifying the goodness of God. I am helpless to know the answer
to these questionings, it is as if I were being drawn into a darkness of which I am powerless.

But perhaps this dark night of the soul has a purpose and a reason. That I need to embrace this
darkness, as the nocturnal labor pains of life experiences bring awareness of a Father that
has recreated the image of the one left behind!”
*Book of Genesis Chapter 1
*Book of Job Chapter 3:11

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