This is the month when all is difficult, even more
so, in the ability to make decisions, to focus on things
that can create happiness and joy. When I started
writing it came forth as poetry with the incessant
need to rhyme practically every sentence. I tried
to veer from this but found it difficult.
But in this writing I will refrain (due to the deep
emotional pain I am experiencing). . . .
(or at least try to not do it as much)
The last glimpse that night left a lingering
Why they chose red I wasn’t sure
Did they have a drawer full of
scarves just for this occasion? Why couldn’t
it have been blue or even white? Was it because this color covered the marks and bruises best from the self infliction,
extinguishing his last breath that night.
An act that created a deep wound on a family gripped with grief and loss
The color red has a range of symbolic meanings including
life – courage – anger – love and religious fervor –
the common threads that weave the fabric of life
I’m wondering if the weaver of this particular
cloth had any idea what it would be used for, was this
color chosen ahead of time depicting the endurance that was
shown, the courage under dire circumstances, until the wearer
was no longer able to bear it?
Was he alone with his
last lingering moments on earth. . . . Was I, the one who
had given birth to an only son, left unattended, not prepared
for that call in the middle of the night?
As his coffin was lowered in the earth in the soon comings days
To know that in a few months
his body was to endure the seasons of heat and cold, summer and
winter, rain and snow
Will the red scarf fade into nothingness? There are different
beliefs on this kind of death, some say it is unforgiven, some that it
is sin, and some that it is sin but it is forgiven. Whatever the answer
I know that the red scarf, though it may
be a symbol of many things – we are given the promise –
“Though our sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as
snow, though they are like crimson they will be as wool“
Book of Isaiah 1:18
There will not be a need for that red scarf covering the marks of self
infliction, for they have been made as white as snow, waiting for our
Lord’s Resurrection Day!