love letters to daddy

Love letter #5

I have some words I would like
to share with you

“It is so quiet and peaceful here”

Good morning Daddy,
its your little girl, do
you remember me?
I have come to visit


I’ll just sit here by
your side


It has been such a long
time since you died
it is so calm and peaceful


I see an angel guarding
your grave
it is quite strange
I don’t understand why


this would be, since you
didn’t have any angelic
virtues that I could see


But I like reading your
name upon your stone
It helps me to know you
really did exist


because it is hard to
believe since it was so
long ago


I remember all the times
you were stoned and the
times you left me alone


really I don’t want to
remember you like this


After you got sick, it was
so hard to see you like
that
once again I resolved I
would never continue
in your ways

My heart is saddened
it is hard to say everything
I would like to say

So I will save them for my
next letter to you…

love letters to daddy

Love letter #4

A transformation takes place

“And then one day I was stricken with
a God given direction”

You know Daddy,

I had no other place to go, other
Than where you had gone,
And that was not an option.

As I said, “ I will choose a better
Way than yours. My deepest desire
Was to go in a different direction
Than the one you had chosen.
~~~~

Did you think one more drink
Would make you better?
Like me, one more prayer would
Make you care?

Sitting in a pew, looking for you,
That I had been guided to, the
Organ struck the chords as from
The hymnal I sang. I knew this
Was the answer to all of my
Questionings. My heart rejoiced
And I was truly blessed.
~~~~

I was ushered into a cathedral
Filled with mighty crescendos.
Then guided to the altar, I
Faltered at the solemnity of
This place.


It is hard to explain from where
This came. You know we had no
values, or religious ties.

I felt I had arrived!

But it wasn’t something that came
From me, there was a Higher source
To rescue me.

Of course the enemy was angry
That I had been delivered from
Our life of hell,
Coming in like a thief to control me,
With words I find it hard to tell.


I had always feared I would turn
Out like mama, and her crazy
Ways, and now I was afflicted with
A mental illness of doubt and fear.


Thoughts were tormenting and
Not my own. Like an arrow shot
Through my head. I tried, as I fled
from this body of mine.


Threatening the very depths of
Darkness deep within. In a fragile
State,
Waiting to be freed from
Chains that bound me with
The enemy’s lies.


Little did I know there
Was a battle to be fought,
Through this journey of
Mental illness
That plagued my life!


But I was never alone, in
The midst of all of this, I
Was given strength to carry on!