OCD – The Doubting Disease

Recurrent and persistent thoughts, urges, or impulses
that are experienced, at some time during the disturbance,
as intrusive and unwanted
“…

Clinical definition (DSM-5) of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

I was diagnosed with OCD,
after many years of suffering with this illness. When I finally
realized there was a reason why I had the symptoms of OCD
I understood why this tormenting disease was so frightening.

I try to reach out to others that grapple with this illness also.
There are many different symptoms that are very perplexing.
I have written in prose and poetry some of those I have
experienced.

Rationalization
It was dark that night as I
stood in the road, looking
for the bump I had driven
over. I had refrained from
going back, but my thoughts
drew me to cross once more.
Once is never enough!
I looked closer, but could
not see anyone I thought I
had hit. The sky was unlit
since the moon was split
and the stars had lost their
glow.
To what kind of thinking is
this? I checked the road
several times, driving back
and forth, worried someone
would see me as I performed
this ritual. It was very
clearly visible there was no
one there. But I knew by
the shift of the car, I must
have hit someone. My eyes
showed how irrational this
was, but there was no
connection in my thinking.
My mind was caught as I
fought to bring it under
control. Finally after several
attempts to go back to the spot,
I went on my way, but I was
still controlled by the thought
that would not go away!

Vice Of The Knives
I walk into the kitchen, going
to the drawers, looking for
those bright shiny blades,
set in wooden handles, hidden
away. Who are these vandals
that plague my mind? I try to
pray them away. These fears
that invade my reasoning.
I am looking for more secret
compartments to hide them.
Like thoughts hidden in the
chambers of my mind, a
nightly ritual before going
to sleep. Why would I do this?
I pray I cry, but never utter
a word to a passerby. They
would think I had lost my
mind. I feared these twisted
thoughts, the compulsive
need to figure them out.
It would be a long time
before an answer to these
questions were given, there
was a reason, with chemicals
surging and misfiring in my
brain. I would like to share
with those who can
understand the illness that
defies all reasoning!



Clinical definition of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

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