This seventy years of Captivity And counting, Declared upon your Child ~ An Iliad of wars in A milestone of Uncertainty ~ My journey has been Long and laborious This curse hard to bear Many a day and night I have been in despair ~ To your people was not the Promise given to all those Who listened? ~ Crying unto You your Face was not hidden, For You do not lie Your grace is forgiving ~ ‘Turn to me with all your Heart and I will bless my Chosen’ ~ The burden of the switch Will surely be lifted the Sins upon the fathers No longer visited ~ Why have the dregs of the Bottle been wasted Copious amounts sparkling, swirling upon The lips stained with the Flame of scarlet ribbons ~ How smoothly and Tantalizing it goes down But a mockery to those In its sorrows drowning ~ And I, am I any better? From the bottle I have Refrained But am I not much more To blame? ~ Oh that I could taste the Drains of the vintage And flee from this world And it’s pain ~ But this is not my chosen Lot Now seeking solace in Thoughts and dreams Charmed with the Opiates of utopia Wasting into dystopia ~ My heart in numbness Drunk with musings, My children could be Bought with pinings And bargainings ~ What sacrifice can I Offer upon Your altar? ~ As Job of old after a night Of feasting, morning And evening raising His voice in prayer His children would be Spared ~ To your promise I cling With wailing, do not let Their foot stray Bring them back from Their wayward ways ~ Oh you Wiley One, You shall not win, The victory over them Has been won ~ For the promise is true, “I will contend with him Who contends with them And I will save your children.”* ~ *’Book of Isaiah ‘ Chapter 49:25
Well, after my visit I went back home and as usual we began moving around from town to town, schools had rules and I had to relearn each one. I got into trouble Daddy, when I came back, I started chasing around, doing stupid things that you can only do in a mining town, with gambling, bars and fights. Those evil men did things to me that were not right. Many times I was up all night. Often there was no food. Sometimes if I was lucky a can of Dinty Moore Stew would do. I’m so glad you didn’t know this, your heart would have been broken in two, for all your child went through. But I wouldn’t be honest if I denied my anger. Where were you when I needed protection from danger? But Daddy, you would have been proud of me, I learned to survive. It is amazing what children can do when they try. I tried many things to protect myself. They were not the smart thing to do, but it was all I knew. I developed a set of rules to deal with the craziness of things. I somehow got through the years but there were many tears. I had difficulties with Mama. She was unbearable to live with and I wanted out of the trauma. She kept going into those buildings with flashing lights for hours. I stared in the windows waiting for her to come out, but she would never win those games she played, even though she would go every day. I thought the way was to get married at sixteen, and before you knew it I had two babies living in a mining town. But I knew in my heart I would never raise them like me. Well, this is pretty long and you have bent your ear to hear this story. You know Daddy, I really appreciate you listening now, since you didn’t hear or see me when I was a child. Oh, and one thing I forgot to mention, there will be mistakes in these letters, since they are written from a little girl’s heart, even though I’m a grown up now. I know you loved me Daddy, you just didn’t know what to do, your illness kept us apart. Well, I will visit you again soon, I have much more to say to you!
Daddy, you were bombed last night. I remember windows reflecting Light, the morning after, as I quietly come To see if you are alright. Hiding behind a Newspaper, you are unable to look in Your little girl’s eyes. Slowly moving to your Side I want to say, “please, don’t send Me away.” Alcohol vapors from a glass sting my nose. Oh Daddy, you were the one, with the Clickety-click-click of the tongue and the The crazy songs you sung. Where did Mama Go? I think she got tired and left. I remember her pouring water from bottles Down the drain, but it had a funny smell, I really couldn’t tell. Who is this strange lady in your house? The one wearing a negligee. You both Swing and sway from room to room, Then pass out on the bed. Sounds of Heavy breathing are alarming, I am Confused and don’t know what to do. I begged you not to drink. I’m sorry I Made you drink. Well my visit with you is almost done, And I will soon be sent away. Really Daddy, will you send me back to Those abusers and their evil ways? Oh, I don’t understand, I didn’t Think you loved me, but now I Know you did, you were just too Sick, you couldn’t do any better. Oh, don’t make me leave, don’t make Me go back to that smelly shack. Your pungent smell of vinegar, cukes And alcohol are better that that. That fifth of whiskey made you awful Thirsty, remember how you swerved On those LA freeways, taking me to The bus, not a word was said between Us? The roar of the engines and exhaust Fumes, carried me to a place I would Rather not go. Well Daddy, I remember these things Whether you do or not. So I am Writing you some letters, in the hope To be free of the pain they have Caused!