Nine years ago, in the month of July
An anniversary will take place.
Living in Nevada most of my life, I had
Decided to move, seeking something
Different, hoping to find peace and
Contentment. Little did I know, this was
Not to take place. For my son decided
He had had enough, and left this world
And a family who dearly loved him. The
News came in the middle of the night,
That call that wrings the heart in unbelief.
It was a twisting and turning on highway
88, as I traveled between the small town in
California to Reno, having to drive it several
Times with my two dogs, sick from the trip,
With many tears that almost blinded my sight.
Stopping at a roadside store for something
To eat, a kind man saw my plight, and rang
Up my bill then throwing it away, he wished
Me well. Just a simple act of kindness meant
So much. In looking back, kindnesses are
Met with thanksgiving. But I had a long
Journey of grief ahead, one that for a time would
Six years, plus four months
Making seven, an event
Happened, it was never
Thought to happen, one of
Those things that happens to
Someone else, but never to
Call in the night forbidding,
She is shaking, for him looking,
A child missing never returning.
To stay or go she is wondering,
It is perplexing.
Watching him grow, playing and
Laughing, always hoping, praying
His life would be happy and
Mother and son no longer bonding,
He is sleeping, waiting for the
One night deciding, plight
Succumbing, seeming to be best,
It would be loving.
It is just too much, such awful
Thoughts resisting, nine months
Carrying, body feeding him.
A womb providing a room for
Him to grow in, a breast for
This is a testing, thoughts
Increasing, she is trying, nothing
Can’t explain the feelings, thoughts
Are reeling, hoping this is passing.
There is blaming, there is shaming,
Back and forth driving, twists and
Dogs vomiting , not to be late she is
Hurrying, careful the right road
Road construction frustrating
Grief succumbing, mind spinning
Unconsoling, decisions baffling,
She is resisting, she is withdrawing
People dying, fears unresolving,
Obituary disturbing, words
Troubling, this kind of death met
She is stopping the man is helping
His kindness enduring, turnings in
The road directing.
Storms withdrawing, passages
Protecting, comfort finding, friends
Consoling, medication helping,
Eyes slowly opening, ears hearing,
Tears no longer weeping.
Birds singing, sun shining, flowers
Blooming, children sharing, shadows
Lifting, she is writing, on paper
Slowly resolving, process unfolding,
She is hoping, to all things resigning.
All things loving, doors are opening
Poem written in 2005