Grief

“What we have once enjoyed deeply we can never lose,
All that we love deeply becomes a part of us” Helen Keller

• This is the anniversary of the loss of my son in taking his life, and a description of the magnitude of suffering, leading to the attempt to take my life as well. But by God’s grace I was saved, only He knows the reason why. I wrote a poem on this
  experience called – Grief
  Six years less four months making seven an event
  happened. It was never thought to happen. One of
  those things that happens to someone else but
  never to her. A call in the night forbidding, she is
  shaking, for him looking. A child missing, never
  returning, to go or stay she is wondering, it is
  perplexing. Watching him grow, playing and
  laughing, always hoping, praying his life would
  be happy and lasting. Mother and son no longer
  bonding. He is sleeping, waiting for the resurrection.
  One night deciding, plight succumbing, seeming to
  be best, it would be loving. It is just too much, such
  awful thoughts resisting. Nine months carrying, body
  feeding him, a womb providing a room for him to
  grow in. This is a testing, thoughts increasing. She is
  trying, nothing is helping. Cannot explain the feelings,
  nothing is helping, hoping this is passing, there is
  shaming, there is blaming. Back and forth driving,
  twisting and turning, dogs vomiting. Not to be late
  she is hurrying. Careful the right road taking, road
  construction frustrating. Grief succumbing, mind
  spinning, depression visiting. Decisions baffling, she
  is withdrawing, obituary disturbing, words troubling,
  This kind of death met with frowning, eulogy confusing.
  
  *****
  She is stopping, the man is helping, his kindness endearing,
  altars of thanksgiving. Turnings in the road directing,
  storms withdrawing, comfort finding, friends consoling,
  medications helping, sometimes lacking. Eyes slowly opening,
  ears hearing, tears no longer weeping. Birds singing, sun
  shining, flowers blooming, children sharing. Shadows lifting,
  she is talking, she is writing, on paper speaking, slowly
  resolving, process unfolding. She is hoping, to all things
  resigning. All things loving, doors are opening, acceptance
  is residing!
  
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