Cults and Followers

Something was brought to my attention recently,

That dredged up memories that I would rather had

Hoped been resolved. Some of us remember the

Horror stories of madmen that took their own power

In the name of religion. Jim Jones, David Karesh,

Along with other cults (perhaps not as blatantly

Defiant in the name of God as they) but never the less

Exercising abuse and control of their people, and every once in

Awhile popping up its ugly head in mainstream churches as well)

Nor has it only been narrowed to groups of minorities,

By any means.

This most recent one I have heard about has been around for

Years, now rapidly spawning into a similar group as the

Others, here and in other countries.**Same mind control,

child abuse, etc. that are wrapped in a package with a

Pretty bow, but when opened, it spews its tentacles

Drawing people in until they are captive and unable to

Free themselves from the cult activities.

And the frightful part is that there are more out there that

We are not aware of. They operate on shame and silence

To keep their members under control, threatening lives

If daring to leave.

Bringing up these issues, there is a paradigm effect

Of how I created my own unique set of cult activity,

Slowly preparing me for not a peaceful existence

For which I had so laboriously striven to procure.

In growing up I had no set of values, no healthy models

to mirror.

But I remember at an early age resolving to choose

A different path than the one I had traveled as a child.

But as it turned out, I found myself looking for a leader

To lead me and tell me what to do. Many do that, disenchanted

With life. And I was one of them!

Certainly not to blame the faith community I had chosen,

There were many good and upright principles in their approach

For salvation, which was the main object above all objects that

I so much desired.

It was like I set myself up for guidance and direction in all

My behaviors. I don’t know what instigated such strong

Desires, since our lives were without any sense of obligation.

(In looking back I know that it was placed in my heart from

Another One than myself)

The first requirement was to remove all makeup and jewelry

To dress plainly, that I may be a Godly spectacle to the

World. To always put others first, ministering to them.

Now please understand that this was not all comprised by

The leaders and members, and not to blame them. It was just

That that was how I perceived it.

I, in my pious way, would look to others instead of to God.

I remember looking to nuns and wondering if they had peace

That was a product of their pious ways. The only thing I

Lacked was a habit, which in those days were not delineated

To street wear as now allowed in the clerical field.

One alarming thing that all of these religious control

Issues had, was taking innocent children, and as this

Last group I have mentioned, breaking down their wills,

Even hitting them with sticks that they will show

Obedience to their parents and leaders. Inflicting upon

Them an already distorted view of a loving God,

instilling a need to practice acts of abuse to their

Bodies and minds, endeavoring to seek love

And exceptance. Blocking the realization

‘we are saved by grace and not of anything we

can do, it is a gift of God’

Now here is where the pain begins to be exemplified.

As a young mother, just beginning in my ruthless

Endeavors (not having physically abusing my children)

I ignored them, performing my meaningless rituals.

Trying to receive what had already been graciously provided.

But I could not comprehend it at that time.

Needless to say, my relationship with my children

Was devoid of a normal love between mothers and daughters

That many experience.

My nemesis of all of this, is that in all my efforts of

Escaping what I had experienced as a child,

Desiring above all else to see my children spared,

My approach had no values of its own, not making sense,

Like adding fuel to an already combusting fire.

It took many years to understand what I was doing, and

Then trying to reconcile, with demonstrative pleadings.

I can gratefully say they have been understanding, but while

In their process of understanding and forgiveness, I have had

To patiently wait, with much prayer.

That is often gifted to an abusive parent, humbling in its own way.

Even with no intention of creating this complicated set of events,

Hoping that the relationships long deferred will bring about

The fruits so long desired.

I have always had a serious problem with rejection, and

It has caused much grief, especially from a child, but the

Upside of all of this has brought me to a realization of

What it may have looked like to the child, the trauma she

Experienced, not just mine. And I feel a sense of relief

From the rejection I have struggled with, a weight has been

Lifted, one that has been borne a long time! This is truly

Amazing and well taken note! One other issue I must

Address is to not cowardly react when resentment appears

To me personally,

But to stand up for myself which has been a short coming

Of mine.

This has not been well critiqued, written from an emotional

Point of view, there may be repetitive usage of words and

Experiences.

**The Yellow Deli Cult