Love Letters To Daddy #5

In a series of ‘A Father’s Day Reflection’

Letter #5

Well Daddy, here I am one more time, but I’m getting closer to the end of writing
these letters to you!
I mentioned before, I had had a difficult time, when I looked to God I saw a picture of you, and couldn’t get it out of my mind.

You know we had no values, nor religious ties, where it came from
I didn’t know at the time. I was confused and didn’t know what to do.
It struck me out of the blue with petrifying force, undermining the
very foundation of my being, already in a fragile state of grief and
fear. Tormenting thoughts brought me to my
knees, one thought was connected to another, forming a great circle.
Then I began to buckle with dismay as words came up from the
rear, forming a loop with a whole new group of words and numbers
pressing on my brain, with chains that squeeze and defy.
That’s what OCD and Scrupulosity* do!

As a rule the tools of psychology should work and maybe for a moment
they do, but like butterflies in my head, their wings never fly as high again.
I know this is difficult for you to hear, but after much help and many years
Daddy, it got better. Well I have more one more letter to write!

*The definition of “Scrupulosity’
Obsession with moral or religious
issues, a form of obsessive compulsive
disorder (OCD with a religious component)

Into the world of therapy and recovery…

There needed to be a reconciliation!

I had to recreate an image that I imagined

in my mind, the one as a child that I had

developed, one that was

unhealthy and deceiving. Why I loved my

father deeply, when he was not around,

and when he was he was inebriated and

unavailable, I don’t understand. It was

now time to recreate a healthy Father image.

I have written a book called

‘Love Letters To Daddy’ letters that had

to be written before I could let go of the

old and grasp the New…

~~~