Back into the world of therapy and recovery,
There needed to be a reconciliation.
I had to recreate an image that I imagined
In my mind, the one as a child that I had
Developed, one that was
Unhealthy and deceiving. Why I loved my
Father deeply, when he was not around,
And when he was he was inebriated and
Unapproachable, I don’t understand. It was
Now time to recreate a healthy Father image.
I have written a book called
‘Love Letters To Daddy’ letters that had
To be written before I could let go of the
Old and grasp the New…
Daddy you were bombed last night!
Walking into the kitchen the
Morning after, light reflects you
In the breakfast nook, as I quietly
Enter to see if you are alright.
You are hiding behind the newspaper
And unable to notice your daughter.
Alcohol vapors sting my nose, you don’t
See me, as if I don’t exist.
Oh Daddy, you were the one
With the clickity-click-click of the
Tongue and the crazy songs you sung.
Where did Mama go? I think she got
Tired and left.
I remember her pouring water from
Bottles down the drain, but it had
A funny smell, I couldn’t really tell.
Who is this strange lady in your
House, the one wearing a blue
Negligee, you both swing and sway
From room to room, then pass out
On the bed.
Sounds of heavy breathing are
Alarming, I am confused and don’t
Know what to do.
Viciousness in the kitchen the day
You staggered across the kitchen
A pressure pot of beans exploding
On the ceiling sending you to the
I begged you not to drink, but you
Once again began to sink, I’m sorry
Daddy I made you drink.
Well, my visit with you is almost done
And my time is spent, I will soon be
Really Daddy, will you send me back
To those abusers and their evil ways?
Aww, please, why do you let them
Do this to me? I really don’t think I can
Take much more.
Oh, don’t make me leave, don’t make
Me go back to that smelly shack.
Your pungent smell of vinegar, cukes
And alcohol are better than that.
But my pleas were ignored, you were
Just too sick to have me around.
That fifth of whiskey made you awful
Thirsty as you hid the bottles in
Cabinets and drawers.
Remember how you swerved on those
LA freeways taking me to the bus,
Without a sound between us ?
The roar of the engines and exhaust
Fumes making me sick, carry me to
A place I would rather not go.
Finally climbing the steps, crying,
Unaware of the effects on an innocent
Child from no where.
Well Daddy I remember these
Things whether you do or not so I am
Writing these letters in hope to be
Freed of the pain that was caused!
A continuation of my love letters to daddy