Something was brought to my attention recently,

That dredged up memories that I would rather had

Hoped been resolved. Some of us remember the

Horror stories of madmen that took their own power

In the name of religion. Jim Jones, David Karesh,

Along with other cults (perhaps not as blatantly

Defiant in the name of God as they) but never the less

Exercising abuse and control of their people, and every once in

Awhile popping up its ugly head in mainstream churches as well)

Nor has it only been narrowed to groups of minorities,

By any means.

This most recent one I have heard about has been around for

Years, now rapidly spawning into a similar group as the

Others, here and in other countries.**Same mind control,

child abuse, etc. that are wrapped in a package with a

Pretty bow, but when opened, it spews its tentacles

Drawing people in until they are captive and unable to

Free themselves from the cult activities.

And the frightful part is that there are more out there that

We are not aware of. They operate on shame and silence

To keep their members under control, threatening lives

If daring to leave.

Bringing up these issues, there is a paradigm effect

Of how I created my own unique set of cult activity,

Slowly preparing me for not a peaceful existence

For which I had so laboriously striven to procure.

In growing up I had no set of values, no healthy models

to mirror.

But I remember at an early age resolving to choose

A different path than the one I had traveled as a child.

But as it turned out, I found myself looking for a leader

To lead me and tell me what to do. Many do that, disenchanted

With life. And I was one of them!

Certainly not to blame the faith community I had chosen,

There were many good and upright principles in their approach

For salvation, which was the main object above all objects that

I so much desired.

It was like I set myself up for guidance and direction in all

My behaviors. I don’t know what instigated such strong

Desires, since our lives were without any sense of obligation.

(In looking back I know that it was placed in my heart from

Another One than myself)

The first requirement was to remove all makeup and jewelry

To dress plainly, that I may be a Godly spectacle to the

World. To always put others first, ministering to them.

Now please understand that this was not all comprised by

The leaders and members, and not to blame them. It was just

That that was how I perceived it.

I, in my pious way, would look to others instead of to God.

I remember looking to nuns and wondering if they had peace

That was a product of their pious ways. The only thing I

Lacked was a habit, which in those days were not delineated

To street wear as now allowed in the clerical field.

One alarming thing that all of these religious control

Issues had, was taking innocent children, and as this

Last group I have mentioned, breaking down their wills,

Even hitting them with sticks that they will show

Obedience to their parents and leaders. Inflicting upon

Them an already distorted view of a loving God,

instilling a need to practice acts of abuse to their

Bodies and minds, endeavoring to seek love

And exceptance. Blocking the realization

‘we are saved by grace and not of anything we

can do, it is a gift of God’

Now here is where the pain begins to be exemplified.

As a young mother, just beginning in my ruthless

Endeavors (not having physically abusing my children)

I ignored them, performing my meaningless rituals.

Trying to receive what had already been graciously provided.

But I could not comprehend it at that time.

Needless to say, my relationship with my children

Was devoid of a normal love between mothers and daughters

That many experience.

My nemesis of all of this, is that in all my efforts of

Escaping what I had experienced as a child,

Desiring above all else to see my children spared,

My approach had no values of its own, not making sense,

Like adding fuel to an already combusting fire.

It took many years to understand what I was doing, and

Then trying to reconcile, with demonstrative pleadings.

I can gratefully say they have been understanding, but while

In their process of understanding and forgiveness, I have had

To patiently wait, with much prayer.

That is often gifted to an abusive parent, humbling in its own way.

Even with no intention of creating this complicated set of events,

Hoping that the relationships long deferred will bring about

The fruits so long desired.

I have always had a serious problem with rejection, and

It has caused much grief, especially from a child, but the

Upside of all of this has brought me to a realization of

What it may have looked like to the child, the trauma she

Experienced, not just mine. And I feel a sense of relief

From the rejection I have struggled with, a weight has been

Lifted, one that has been borne a long time! This is truly

Amazing and well taken note! One other issue I must

Address is to not cowardly react when resentment appears

To me personally,

But to stand up for myself which has been a short coming

Of mine.

This has not been well critiqued, written from an emotional

Point of view, there may be repetitive usage of words and

Experiences.

**The Yellow Deli Cult

“One of my favorite quotations “Forgiveness is the fragrance that

the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it”

Mark Twain

Those who learned to dance and sing, in spite of the trials this earth brings, they have heard the call “Let the children come unto Me” All those who have risen from sleep, are reborn and set free!

“A new song we will sing unto Him”

Psalm 144:9

It seems when one thing breaks down,

Wouldn’t you know, something else decides

To too?

In my post on the traveling mattress,

I shared the story of the deflated mattress,

That I had to replace.

Well now the electric blanket has begun to

Give out.

I found myself waking up last night off and on,

With coldness, seeking warmth from the other

Side.

Thankfully that dual control was still working!

There is a verse that says

“If two lie down together they

Will keep warm, but how

Can one be warm alone?”**

Well, here again, will I have to

Give up another companion so

Soon,

Replacing my warm blanket as well?

But mean while I will move to this

Side and we’ll see how

Long this one will last!_

**The Book Of Ecclesiastes

Chapter 4:11

A book of Wisdom

Some sweet, some bitter, some bland, but they all

Come together with –

A pinch of this and

A pinch of that

For what is an egg without

Salt

A pie with no sugar

A stew without pepper

Dough without yeast

Forever kneading?

For reproduction, to carry on life until it is cooked

Boiled, scrambled or fried

Then it has died

Slippery and insoluble, incapable of being solved or

Explained, just as confusing as deciphering the

Difference between soluble and trans fats

As butter clogs the arteries, the thoughts clog the brain

To try to understand them is in vain

When one thought starts churning, a state of unrest

Begins

Agitating with increased speed, the center about

Which it revolves

Collecting oily globules that resist any understanding

And indigestible by the natural mind in its rightful

State

Until it forms a mind of its own, creating two minds

At war with each other

Why all this confusion that continues on and on?

When the thought is brought to mind, there is no

One to blame

This is a process of its own, of which I am powerless

To explain!

It finally came to its end, the heavy weight

It could no longer bare.

Yesterday I finally made the

Decision to remove my mattress,

I won’t say how long

I have had it. It was one of those air beds

That have remote controls to inflate it.

I have moved several different

Places in the last few years

Taking it along.

When the right side started

Sinking and would not respond

To the inflater, I moved to the

Other side, hoping to extend its

Life quite a bit longer.

And then on the other side it began

To sink and I finally had

To say goodbye to a friend that had

Been with me through my highs and

Lows.

In all our travels this mattress was faithful,

To the many places we have been.

In thinking about its

Presence, my protector,

I realized how it had held me

Through my many losses well

But with all the abuse, it was

Just too heavy to carry on.

It had listened to my dreams, holding

My pillow below my head, listeneing

To my fears, my anger and rage,

My prayers and regrets.

With its comforter warming

My body ravished

With harm,

Protecting me from the enemy,

Repelling it’s attacks

It bore a lot of fears and held my tears,

Holding my memories tight.

Is it hard to say goodbye to

Something like that, waiting

In the garage to go to trash?

Should I perform the last rites?

Who would attend, the only friend it

Had was me, until

It gave up its life.

Each of us have been given a

Different bed to sleep in,

Some good and some bad.

****

Living around mining towns,

I often have walked where

People have left their artifacts.

One I came across, was an

Old bedspring that had held a mattress.

It was rusted, and weeds had

Grown between the coils.

I was unable to pry a few loose to take

Home as a trophy for

All the hard work it had entailed.

I wondered about those springs and

Who they had held.

Had a newly wed pair conceived a child.

Or perhaps several more? How many

Bodies of the past, with dreams and

Confusions, tossing and turning in delusion.

Or perhaps held someone with an illness

With their last breath?

How long was the corpse to remain,

Before the undertaker came?

Did it set by the hearth holding an old

Woman, reminiscing, knitting and

Anticipating, of the last

Few years remaining?

Could it have held an old wooden

Bed frame splintered and warn?

I wish I could have taken them

Home and polished them up,

But some things cannot be

Retouched, they must stay as they are.

Hopefully another will come by and

Wonder as I, I must just let it lie.

I’ll say my goodbyes to

My friend of the past, and hope

My new mattress will be as good

As the last!

Having recently celebrated a birthday, I found myself wondering

When and how they began. Their celebrations did not always exist.

Before the advent of the calendar they were unable to record the

Time of birth or the day.

The earliest mention of a birthday, according to Biblical scholars, was

Around 3,000 BC, in reference to a Pharaoh’s birthday. But further

Study implies, that this was not in reflection of their birth into this

World, but their birth as a god.

It all started with the Egyptians, then the Greeks embraced the day,

But only for men!

It is believed the first birthday cake began in Germany, a coarse

Bread of the Middle Ages, later becoming a sweeter version. Only

The well to do were able to celebrate, as the poor could not afford

It.

In the 17th century the cake became more elaborate with icings

And decorations.

In the 18th century cakes became more affordable, and many

Were then able to participate in the celebration.

The history of the candles on the cake began in Ancient Greece.

The glow of the moon they worshipped, with the smoke of the

Candles ascending with prayers to their gods in the skies.

Now, the candle is placed upon the cake to represent the

Light and life of each year given to us.

In Christianity the emphasis is on a spiritual rebirth from the

Earthly womb, becoming a child of God.

“To everything there is a season

A time to be born and a time to die”*

We all are born of an earthen

Womb

In chaos and confusion

Cast into earth’s waters of

An angry sea

Conceived in a silver

Luminous moon

In a pierced cavity

A baby spilling out

I Am A Woman Now!

With an

Incandescent sheen

Buoyed by the

Waves, seeking eternity

In ceaseless motion

My hair swept back

By the rush of winds

Two wet eyes crying

Oceans of tears

In a bed of water

Diving for pearls of

Wisdom, finding

Only bubbles of air

My only resort is prayer

Reaching the shores of

Placid waters

An extended Hand with

Mine, grasps each other

To be born twice is

Heaven’s plan!

Scripture of reflection

Isaiah 43:2

“When you pass through deep

waters, I am with you”

*Book Of Ecclesiastes

At three o’clock in the morning, I was awakened by a sound

In the window. I got up and prayed for my

Niece, Kim, who was seriously ill. That morning

I text my brother, Kim’s father, and told him what

Had happened. He shared with me that he also

Was awakened at three o ‘clock by the sound of a

Window opening, and knelt to pray…

Kim was healed! Thus started the

Beginning of a series of events, that truly prove

The efficacy of God’s word.

I had recorded this event in my journal which

Has a scripture prayer for each day. On this

Particular day it was –

“Be still before the Lord

And wait patiently for Him

Psalm 37:7

The second event in claiming this verse was

In the year 2002 –

My husband came into the kitchen with a

Small calendar that had a scripture for

Each day. He was not a Christian but for

Some reason he was impressed to read

This same verse, Psalm 37:7, to me.Two days

Later he was dead. I know he was

Prompted by God’s Spirit and he was

Saved!

The next event was in 2019-

Kim was diagnosed with breast cancer, a

Serious malignancy which required intense

Chemotherapy. The day after, I was going through

Some journals in a book shelf, and I casually

Pulled one out and to my surprise the

Journal fell open to the page with the

Same verse I had recorded for Kim 10 years ago.

Miraculously after a year of intense

Chemotherapy she was diagnosed cancer

Free!

Now, in August of last year, Kim’s mother

Began to feel ill, after suffering the loss of

Her Son-law, Curt, Kim’s husband in June.

A terrible loss for Kim and all the family.

So needless to say I began claiming this

Verse that had such redeeming qualities in all

The previous sufferings we have experienced.

After many challenging batteries of tests

Cathy, Kim’s mother was diagnosed with

Non Hodgkin’s Lymphoma and with the

Doctor’s certainty, the tests would validate

That the cancer had spread.

Yesterday Cathy returned to the doctor’s

Visit, and the doctor could not believe what

She saw, and In amazement she shared the

Good news, not one hot spot appeared.

Not an aggressive form, she will only need

Antibody infusions, to reduce an enlarged

Spleen, and no CHEMO!

As the Sabbath hours are descending on this

Hectic week of anticipation, this family will

Enter into His rest!

February 17, begins the first day of Lent, six weeks before Easter.

Many Christians celebrate Ash Wednesday, a holy day

Of prayer and fasting, deriving its name from the

Placing of ashes made from the burning of palm branches from

Previous year’s holy celebration. Ashes are placed by priests

On the forehead of participants, signifying their

contrition for sin in their lives. Some commit to

Selecting an item of abstinence during this season.

Many times I find myself making resolutions, attempting

To cleanse myself of defective habits, to bring about

Personal growth.

One I have struggled with, is a dietary abstinence. I have a high

Intolerance of sugar, which effects me both physically and

Emotionally, so much so that under normal circumstances

I am able to refrain, but then eventually, forgetting the

Consequences, I succumb, and after that first bite (which

Is never enough) I am consumed with the desire for more, just as

the alcoholic cannot stop at one drink.

(My Father having been one)

Reflecting on this, I wonder if there could be two different

Approaches, in bringing about deliverance from the short

Comings that are causing such havoc in our lives.

1. Making a choice, one in my own power, to bring about

The deliverance I so much desire, often failing, falling into

Doubt and frustration, with little hope.

2. The second choice, as opposed to the first, one that

Depends on God’s power to help me abstain, creating a

Deeper cleansing and meaning in my life?

~~~~

And though at times

I do not dare to hope

That I might find hope

Again

To question heaven

When wings of hope have taken flight

And higher still

Only in my dreams at night

Of flowing streams and

Budding flowers

An imaginary place I must

Create

Until the wings of hope

Escaped return again

A place where I can hope

Once more

Where I can rest my head

And all peace prevails

~~~~

No matter how much we offer in penance and confession,

Of giving of ourselves,

Our meager attempts are never enough.

Only Christ’s sacrifice of prayer and fasting while here on

Earth, the giving of His life that we may be saved, will there be

Enough!

Scripture Reflection

Book of Hebrews 11:1

“And what is faith? Faith

Gives assurance to our ‘hopes’

And makes us certain of things

We do not see… that will come to pass”

New English Bible

significant. They may be trying to tell us things we
are not aware of, or maybe memories hidden
that are searching for healing.

~~~
When I was a young girl I would often have
dreams of clocks, which can indicate the importance
of time, they can also symbolize the ticking of the
human heart, the amount of time left to live.

~~~~

The clock on the mantel struck
half past ten, the hour to retire
for most women and men.
I listened to the clock, heard a
knock on the door, I looked, no
one was there.
Half past two, still awake with
nothing to do.
Half past four I fell asleep,
forgetting the mother I had expected,
to come through the door.
A gust of wind blew through the window,
death came in with a shroud on its face.
He came to take me, not yet was my plea,
I have more to do, much to undo.
Death agreed to let me stay, He gathered
his cloak and went on his way.
Suddenly I awoke, knowing this was just
a dream!

This may seem foreboding and difficult to
understand, but many a night I waited for
her to come home, as I watched the clock,
feeling as death was upon me.

~~~
The reality of this dream was positive,
in that though death was upon me,
and he came to take me.
I refused to go, knowing I needed time to
finish what God had planned for me
to accomplish.

~~~
There was a man centuries ago that
experienced similar night time
disturbances

~~~
Job expressed in his words
“In disquieting thoughts from the
vision of the night, when deep sleep
falls on men”
Job 4:1

This seventy years of
Captivity,
And counting,
Declared upon your
Child
~
An Iliad of wars in
A milestone of
Uncertainty
~
My journey has been
Long and laborious
This curse hard to bear
Many a day and night
I have been in despair
~
To your people was not the
Promise given to all those
Who listened?
~
Crying unto You, your
Face was not hidden
For You do not lie
Your grace is forgiving
~
‘Turn to me with all your
Heart and I will bless my
Chosen”
~
The burden of the switch
Will surely be lifted the
Sins upon the fathers
No longer visited
~
Have the dregs of the
Bottle been wasted
From copious amounts
Sparkling, swirling upon
The lips, stained with the
Flame of scarlet ribbons?
~
How smoothly and
Tantalizing it goes down
But a mockery to those
In its sorrows drowning
~
And I, am I any better?
From the bottle I have
Refrained
But am I not much more
To blame?
~
Oh that I could taste of
The drunken vine

Sweet grapes of vintage

Wine

Fleeing from this world

Is what I sought
~
But this is not my chosen
Lot
Now seeking solace in
Thoughts and dreams
Charmed with the
Opiates of utopia
Wasting into dystopia
~
My heart in numbness

Pleading
That my children might be
Bought with pinings
And bargainings
~
What sacrifice can I
Offer upon Your altar?
~
As Job of old after a night
Of feasting, morning
And evening, raising
His voice in prayer
His children would be
Spared
~
To Your promise I cling
With wailing, do not let
Their foot stray
Bring them back from
Their wayward ways
~
Oh you Wiley One
You shall not win
The victory over them
Has been won
~
For the promise is true
“I will contend with him
Who contends with them
And I will save your children.”*
~
*’Book of Isaiah ‘
Chapter 49:25 in God’s word

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